Blood, Sweat, & Tears

a letter, a dialogue, and a reflection.

Blood

Blood of my blood, soul of my soul. So yearningly do I long to hold you in my arms, so longingly do I yearn to look into your eyes. Those magnificent eyes of yours, a mixture of mine and hers; your smile, a mixture of hers and mine.

You will be the fruit of a wonderful love, I promise. The hollow of your baba’s chest shall be your resting place whilst your mama rests, I promise. You will be cherished and cared for as you deserve, I promise. Your mama, mine own moon, will be the one in whose embrace you and I shall find solace, this I promise you.

Blood of my blood, comforter of my soul. If fate will have it that I live long to witness you, to hold you, then I promise to love you like no man has ever loved.

Blood of my blood, spark of my soul. Your father sits here in the hour of the owl, writing this with murky eyes and a yearning heart, thinking of you. When will you come into my life? Has it been written that you will come into my life? Only He knows.

Alas, this young heart remains longing till such time as I’ll be blessed to have you in my life.

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Sweat

Sweat: Salty ocean water from skin.

I remember vividly the sweat that broke out of my brow when she said those words to me. It rolled down and into my eyes, stinging like a wasp’s passion. How severely my palms trembled. With racing agony my heart thumped, thumping so loud my poor ribs teetered on the edge or breakage. Words… words so sharp they cut through the veil that clouded my vision. Words so sharp they snapped my dreaming mind into cruel reality.

Once again I say, “Oh my heart, how I’ve wronged you.”

And my heart responds, “Promise that you’ll protect me from yourself once more. Promise me that you won’t so easily hand me out to another without solid grounds. You must promise me this, for I fear another blow might be the end of me.”

And I say, “From now on, with all my might and rigour, I vow to safeguard and protect you. This I promise.”

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Tears

It was one of those winter days. I remained dwelling in my room, windows closed, lest I risk exposure to those biting winds of winter. Yet despite the warmth of those walls, I felt suffocated. Suffocated by the stiff air, by the familiar smell of painted walls, by the scent of my cologne. I went for a walk to breathe the fresh icy air, hoping to silence my preoccupied mind. During my walk through the Old City I listened to the beautiful recitation of Suratul Ghafir by Sheikh Badr Al Turki. And when it got to Ayah 16-17, where Allah (SWT) said;

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the Day all will appear ˹before Allah˺. And Nothing about them will be hidden from Him. ˹He will ask,˺ “Who does all authority belong to this Day? To Allah—the One, the Supreme! ﴾ 16 ﴿ Today every soul will be rewarded for what it has done. No injustice Today! Surely Allah is swift in reckoning.” ﴾ 17 ﴿.

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I couldn’t help but sit on the pavement and replay this verses over and over, all the while pondering its meaning.

I look at the current state of the world—a world where tyrants rule over the weak, thinking themselves untouchable, almost god-like. A world where genocide, like the very one that takes place in Gaza, and the horrors unfolding in Sudan, Congo, and elsewhere, are being carried out and sponsored by tyrannical governments that masquerade as righteous ones. Injustices upon injustices, with no sight of an end. No, no garden blooms at the end of these tunnel-days. No, no sparkles of hope beams in this poet’s words. No, no crow’s feet patterns this poet’s face. No, none. From “A thousand dead,” to “A hospital bombed,” to “A school eviscerated to ashes,” to a genocide, to a ethnic cleansing, to winter, to winter, to winter!

What have we become?

As the verses kept replaying, I didn’t notice the warm trails streaming from my eye until, like leaking clouds, it feel upon my arm. I stood up, wiped my face, and made my way back home with a melancholy yet comforted heart. For what better assurance is there than knowing that even the bleakest of winters shall one day end. And all that the iced earth concealed shall be revealed bare. And then the long-held reckoning shall commence.

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